Runner's Build

In the seventh grade I heard an announcement over the PA. "Any students expressing interest in cross country running should attend an informational meeting with their parents, tonight at 7:30 in the cafeteria". So I went home and begged and pleaded for Mom to come. She said it was too much. I said it was just an info meeting. Reluctantly, she came.

You see, sports meant uniforms, new shoes, team dues and rides for practices and meets. Mom was in nursing school, we were on food stamps, and the church's Mercy Ministry took care of most everything else. Because of this I always had a sinking feeling whenever I asked for things that were extras. I'd think to myself, "OK, if I deal with the shoes I already have, if I skip the Homecoming Dance, is I borrow the CD I want instead of buying it.. that should make up for a sport shouldn't it?" Even though I really wanted to do all these things, I'd never done a sport before-- so it was worth it.

I didn't have to give these things up though. Coach Rowland talked to me and Mom at the meeting about a scholarship. He asked me why I wanted to run on the team and I told him that it was a challenge, that I wanted to see if I could do. I told him I'd run extra at home and I'd do whatever it took. He said he'd cover the dues for me for awhile to see if it worked out and if it did, he'd give me the scholarship for the whole season.I never really got a chance to thank him, but I did ask him why he did so much to give me those chances. He told me that I had more than just a runner's build - but I had a drive towards success and excellence, a striving to do better than my best, that he had never seen in a rookie.

He was wrong about though. The drive in me was not necessarily towards success or excellence, though those may have indirectly been achieved. It wasn't towards anything really. Rather it was a running away from everything. My troubles specifically. Not avoiding them, mind you, but just escaping them -- three times a week. For however long it took me to run those seven miles each practice, I didn't think. Grades, boy drama, and insecurities became rocks and roots and trees in my path. Wondering why Dad had stopped coming to see us... that was just a tricky uphill curve. I wasn't carrying my burdens. I dropped them at the mouth of the path and all I did was run.And nothing, and no one could touch me.

My body can't run anymore because it's always tired and weighted down. My mind is still running though. When it all gets to be too much I just check out and stop thinking. I see this trail and there are all these other runners, but I just ignore them all. They're nothing but distractions. people, drama, reality, disappointments, they don't matter. So long as I'm running, they won't be able to stop me. If they can't catch up I can keep running forever and not have to deal with the heartache of it all.

Maybe if I can just go one extra mile the problems will time out and I can be where and who I want to be. For as long as I want to be that person in those places, I can. Just let me run for 7 more minutes. 7 minutes to freedom from all this weight. 1 more mile and I'll be free from the pain and the disappointment that's chasing me down this trail that's too short. 1 more mile till I hit that runner's high and all the feel good endorphins eliminate the sick, heavy feeling in my chest.

Just 1 more mile.

& If I Can't Swim After 40 Days

[ONE] Who are your last three texts from?
Bradley(2) and Beth(1)

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
Prom

THREE] What's your middle name?
Hope.

[FOUR] Your current relationship status?
um...lol...in a relationship

[FIVE] Does the person you like, like you back?
Sure hope so.lol.

[SIX] What is your current mood?
restless.

[SEVEN] What's your mom's name?
Martha

[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?
Blue with white verticle stripes

[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yeah

[TEN] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
my perception of the world as a 3 year old.

[ELEVEN] Have a crazy side?
The real question is 'do i have a sane side?'

[TWELVE] Ever had a near death experience?
A few.

[THIRTEEN] What is something you do a lot?
grasp at shadows.

[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?
three people in particular, one in general.

[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
that would be great.

[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?
that's like asking if i like being alive seeing as how my entire life is like a messed up movie. not at all. i mean i like being alive. just not the fact that it's so dramatic

[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
few hours ago

[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for
pretty much anyone. i'm available like that.

[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?
anyone who can look at their life and inside of themselves be satisfied.

[TWENTY] What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?
besides appearances cuz that's a gimme -- confidence or lack thereof

[TWENTY-TWO] What's your biggest secret?
not really a secret to the important people anymore.

[TWENTY-THREE] Where is your ex?
probably @ home cuz it's 2:42am.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Would you ever take them back?
we're past that.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv
totally.

[TWENTY-SIX] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
does air count?

[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other languages?
no i always communicate via telekenisis

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Whats your favorite smell?
anything really heady and full. like this mytrle perfume. and the woods in the fall.

TWENTY-NINE] Describe your life?
quiet desperation behind a veil of optimism.

THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
yes

[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?
does wonders for hair. makes it softer

[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking about right now?
i'm thinking very hard about not thinking about something very frustrating.

[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be doing right now?
sleeping.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite memory?
they get faded and worn. but i like remembering just about anytime i was running laps around a field in england or wetumpka

[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person you told I love you to?
w/ words -- micah

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Who was the last person you yelled at?
someone who has never seen me.

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently around the person you like?
I'm a terrible actress.

[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural hair color?
ginger according to the british person i talked to today.

[FORTY] Who was the last person to make you smile?
bradley.

It's Not Ordinary

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
Benjamin Franklin

I'd hate to make a liar out of ya, Ben.
Psh.. no I wouldn't.


I feel pretty rich today. Not the kind that makes you smile so wide it hurts, but the kind that makes ya smile just a little and breathe in the almost summer air. Smells like honeysuckle... you know the kind. Breathe it in, blow it out, and sink into your seat happy.

And if you're lucky there's somebody sitting next to you.