Little Red One

Hope is My Middle Name

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 06:36:00 +0000

I've always been one for high hopes. I guess it comes with the red hair and the middle name they gave me.I've had dreams that seem impossible to most that I can see so clearly you'd think I was already living them. It's easy to get lost in the possibilities and lose touch with the realities and actualities of life. And while the moment I understand they aren't quite real yet is at times quite heartbreaking, I hope (there it is again) I never stop having those dreams.
Hope can be a grenade -- but I'll hold onto the switch till it blows and brings either satisfaction or despair.

I find myself hoping for some rather spectacularly ordinary things lately. The dream in my heart isn't for anything glittery or new, but it certainly exciting.
I want a home with my husband. One full of life and laughter - wood floors and window seats optional. I want kids running around learning to read and sing and play and imagine all sorts of wonderful dreams of their own. I want border collies and calico cats getting into mischief and following my family around.
I want a kitchen with tacky, mismatched dishes and echos of game nights and great conversations in the dining room. I want a comfy couch with blankets I made strung over the back. I want an attic with dusty memories we couldn't fit in our closets and hallways.
I want a yard with trees and a treehouse with a tire swing. I want a garden with roses and lillies and pansies and vegetables the kids probably won't eat (including peas because maybe one of them will share my favorite food). I want hydrangeas and azaleas around the sides of the house and a mailbox with our names on it. I want a porch with rickety rocking chairs and a cute little swing.
I want a minivan and car seats and books on tape and travel games. Maybe even a guest room with a library of all our favorites and the good pillows and towels.

I want it all. Right up to not sleeping on Christmas Eve because I'm getting everything set just right before everyone lines up in the hallway trying to sneak peeks of bikes, guitars and other fun new things. Even changing a 5 year old's bed sheets at 2 am just for the kid and his teddy bear to end up sleeping between us in our bed. I want to go all June Cleaver on the neighborhood and bake after school snacks and leave pies cooling in the windowsill. I want family vacations complete with flat tires and awkward potty breaks at truck stops. I wanna get a babysitter and go out on dates with my man that are sure to get interrupted by little squabbles and sudden illnesses. I want Barney and Baby Bop birthday parties. I want Power Ranger action figures forgotten on the stairs and homework left on the kitchen counter. I want home movies of all of it. Pictures too.

I want the romance and the everyday love. I want to be inspired by little silly things that my family sees and turn them into anecdotes in Christmas letters, blogs and songs I write. I want the precious gift of a family all my own & a full life with my husband, my best friend.

I can see it all. I can feel it. It's such a beautiful journey I'm itching to embark on.

For 19 years, 6 months, 23 days, and about 8 hours I've been dreaming up spacewalks and stages and sailing ships. I've gone to the moon and back a hundred times in my heart. No goal has been unreachable, no hope unattainable. And yet, none of my previous gilded endeavors compare to this hope of mine. Home. Family. True & Enduring Love. What more could one wish, ask of think of? Not all that much...

I think I'm up for the challenge.

Hope is my middle name, after all.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall Come...

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 06:15:00 +0000

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Everytime I get the chance to sit and write my mind goes wild with the millions of wonderful things I need to get out in words, and yet words continue to fail me. There are just some experiences that just haven't been turned into defined concepts with sufficient meaning. Sure, there are myriads of terms that could give the most minute glimpses of understanding -- but nothing that comes close to the real, full and utter loveliness that is welling up inside of me. I'm literally bursting at the seams with joy and revelry.

Most of those who know me or even those who have observed my comings and goings in recent days would tell you that they know why I'm so abundantly happy, but even they only know a portion of the cause. Let me tell you, the reason they would give is most definitely on the short list of motivators -- but even that cannot fully explain this joy. Though that great love is most assuredly an agent of change and cheer, it is not alone in it's endeavors.

I think the best way to explain it for tonight (or this morning as the case almost always ends up being) is that I am incredibly and ridiculously excited about the future. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month or a Saturday next July -- but the eternal future that could come anytime between now and whenever.

Christmas is such a great time to really understand the concept that Christ came to Earth and that He's coming again. I used to sit and think, "He didn't have to if He didn't want to so what would possibly make Him leave heaven to come to this wretched place and save this wretched person?".
I know now that the 'what' that would make Him humble Himself so profoundly is the great love He has for His own. It's the love that made Him so needlessly merciful to Adam & Eve. The same love that saved Noah and blessed Abraham. The same love that captivated David's heart and redeemed his sinful soul. The same love that sought after Israel with compassion and perseverance. It was that same love that has chased after and fought for the affections and dedications of prostitutes, druggies, lepers, tax collectors, murderers, thieves, disobedient children, promise breakers, liars, idolaters, envious neighbors, adulterers, savages, fakers, and self righteous do-gooders.

It's the love that compelled Him, by His very nature, to chase me down, drag me out, pick me up and call me His, time and time again.

And if that love did it once... If that love made the perfect, blameless Prince of Heaven be born in such a provincial manner to live in squalor and disgrace among the very men He Himself had created only to die for their transgressions (for my sins) -- Certainly, He will come again. He will come and fulfill his promises and redeem this earth fully.

And Love, if that doesn't get your blood pumping and your adrenaline glands working overtime -- I don't know what will.

Breathe

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:03:00 +0000

I have for real got to calm down.

I'm singing too much, and when I say that I'm singing too much... Trust me.. I'm singing too much.

It's hard not to blurt out all the things that are making me dance and sing around. But I'm gonna take a lesson from Mary and just ponder a little while.

Missing Parts

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 09:34:00 +0000

I can't find my boots.

It's 3:30 am and I can't sleep because I can't find my boots. My brown boots from Charlotte Russe that I got on sale. I can't find the black ones either but it's the brown ones I need. It's cold out and I'll need my boots to wear with the green sweater dress because I don't have any brown flats. Not that I really wear flats anyways. I need those boots.

It's so silly that I can't sleep because of boots. It's not like I need them right now. I just can't find them and it's bothering me. I ripped through my room looking for them.

Then I thought... Have I worn boots since I came back home? Did I leave them at the apartment? What else could I have left there??

I haven't had time to get in the right train of mind to deal with these things running through my head (running, mind you, without their boots on). There are too many things to do and there's too much white noise in my ears.

I'm just not sure why it is so disturbing to me that I may have left my boots. Perhaps because I may have also left a large portion of myself. That... that is what I am truly afraid of. Boots... however loved, can be replaced. There's a coffee colored pair in my mother's trunk waiting for Christmas. My heart... My heart is another matter all together. I can't buy a replacement on sale at the mall. There's no catalog to order from or site to store delivery. None of my friends can check my online registry and check the gift wrap box. Things like that you only get once, at the very beginning with your soul and your pink or blue hospital wristband.

They say "Time heals all wounds". I think they give time too much credit sometimes.
Christ can heal all wounds, I'll believe that.

While you're at it... Can you find my boots?

Another Grief Observed

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 07:14:00 +0000

From C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed"
"What pitiable cant to say,'She will live forever in my memory!' Live? That is exactly what she won't do. You might as well think like the old Egyptians that you can keep the dead by embalming them. Will nothing persuade us that they are gone? What's left? A corpse, a memory, and (in some versions) a ghost. All mockeries or horrors. Three more ways of spelling the word dead.

... But there are other difficulties. 'Where is she now?' That is, in what place is she at the present time?...

...Kind people have said to me, 'She is with God.' In one sense that is most certain. She is, like God, incomprehensible and unimaginable...

...But I find that this question, however important it may be in itself, is not after all very important in relation to grief. Suppose that the earthly lives she and I shared for a few years are in reality only the basis for, or prelude to, or earthly appearance of, two unimaginable, supercosmic, eternal somethings. Those somethings could be pictures as spheres or globes. Where the plane of Nature cuts through them — that is, in earthly life — they appear as two circles (circles are slices of spheres). Two circles that touched. But those two circles, above all the point at which they touched, are the very thing I am mourning for, homesick for, famished for. You tell me, 'she goes on.' But my heart and body are crying out, come back, come back. Be a circle, touching my circle on the plane of Nature. But I know this is impossible. I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get...

...If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to 'glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild..."

Jack, too many of us know all too well what you went through. There are so many questions that come with loss. They spin around your heart like a hurricane. It seems easier sometimes to let the winds of fear and rains of uncertainty whip you around like a forgotten piece of laundry on the clothesline. No amount of cold or dampness can will your weak spirit to walk inside.

It's hard to tell if memories and dreams make anything brighter. Some are warm and comforting, like amber sunshine on your skin, but others are far less merciful. There are dreams that cut like icy daggers. Sharp "What if's" and jagged "maybe's"...

But you've got to hold to truths. Things like "God loves His children" and "God is good". You have to remember those.

Grief is painful - grueling. But with Christ there is hope, there is a future. There is a home to look forward to.

We're all just wayfaring strangers here. Some of us are just taking the long way home. I think it'll be like Christmas, everyone trickling in the front door like leftover raindrops off a tree branch. Separate during the trip down, but together in one big puddle at the end.

I like the way that sounds...

How He Would Have Said It

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 01:46:00 +0000

Everyone has their own little traditions. Some people put marshmallows on top, others prefer crunched cereal. Boys like football and girls cook and play with babies all day. I had a friend who used to go to a nursing home and sit with her grandmother's old best friend.

We skipped mine this year. I don't know if it was because everyone was so full or if we were deciding between an ornament swap or handmade things for Christmas, but we skipped it completely. I'm sort of glad because I'm really just not sure how I would have possibly answered it this year.

So because I don't know how to answer the question that was never asked or even mentioned, I'll let someone else answer for me.

Tonight's Prayer by: Mattie J.T. Stepanek
Dear God,
Thank you for brothers, and
Thank you for sisters,
and thank you for friends when
Brothers and sisters die. And
Thank you for feathers, and
Thank you for seashells, and
Thank you for babies that
Come from mommies' love.
Thank you, God.
For all these things.
Amen.

Safe In the Arms of Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:42:00 +0000

I don't know you
I never could
But if I'd held you
Maybe that would have made a difference
Some kind of difference

But now you're gone
And it's not fair
That I can't even
Go back there and make a difference
Some kind of difference

But you're safe
In the arms of Jesus
Yes you're safe
In the arms of Jesus
And of all of the things
I could have done
I'm glad I can't make that any different

Who knows what you would
Have done with life
If you'd been given
A chance to try and go the distance
So great the distance

But you're safe
In the arms of Jesus
Yes you're safe
In the arms of Jesus
And of all of the things
I could have done
I'm glad I can't make that any different
oh, noone can make that any different
No, noone can make that any different

(Simile)It's Like A Metaphor

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:12:00 +0000

There come moments in our lives, like this one, that we're so numb-- so blinded to what is actually happening -- that it's impossible to respond in a tactful manner.

It's like when you curl up to watch a movie with your legs tucked underneath you. You're sitting there enjoying yourself just along for the ride... and then the movie ends. The lights aren't dimmed anymore and you can see the popcorn you spilled everywhere and the carmelized Coke products on the ground. You have to stand up now. But your legs are all numb and it hurts to move. An inch off the orange moldy seats and it feels like a million needles have been simultaniously injected across your lower extremities. But you're in the way and the theatre smells weird so you really have to get up.

You have a few choices.
Do nothing. Be in the way. Don't solve any problems. Stay in the messy smelly theatre.
Stand up. Be in sincere pain and walk it off. Figure it out. Face things head on.
Let somebody carry you to the car. Depend on their strength to save you from pain.

My legs are tingley...

Need You Now

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:38:00 +0000

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
To me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Page 33 of a Book I Never Finished

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:35:00 +0000

You're never very far. No matter where I turn you're around the corner in some song I wrote or blurb I hid away in a notebook.
I used to run from these reminders, but these days I need them. I'm lost in a sea of what "if"s and "maybe"s.

What if I had called about help.
Maybe I'd still have the connection.
What if I hadn't given up.
Maybe I'd be there now.
What if I hadn't parked the car to cry.
Maybe I'd have gotten that phone call.

I don't know if questioning the past is worth very much. Just hope for a second chance at not missing out, that's all I can do now.

I miss you. Writing makes me feel closer to you now. It seems I've almost stopped completely.

I should really finish this book. Maybe I'll just write 32 pages of a new one instead.

It is Finished, But We Are Not

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:16:00 +0000

I'm never sure what to do after I do the hard thing. It seems there are just more hard things to follow. I can't do it alone, but I don't have to and I won't have to. Jesus got me in this - he'll hold me through it and pull me out.

As usual, Brock says it more eloquently than I can in the moment.

Quoted from Brock's note earlier...

And as much as I can't see how any of this can end good, I know it will... ...Before our trust was ever placed in him, God knew. He knew our confidence would be shattered. He knew the weight that would be on our shoulders. He knew the struggles we would face. But He also knew the way out. He can see what we cannot. He can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He can see the rope hanging down for us to grab hold of. Already Christ is climbing down into the mud we find ourselves trapped in at the bottom of this valley. Already Christ is taking a breath, plunging beneath the surface and getting below us so that we can stand on him and climb our way out. There is nothing He won't do for us. There is no limit to the shame and pain He will endure to bring us Home and to bring us life to the full. He's proven that already and we are called to trust in that.

I see that doing the right thing is really what's hard. It's trusting that God really does in fact know what he's doing, trusting that He really will do what He promises. Trusting that this leap of faith I'm taking is a leap closer to Him.

"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. "
-C. S. Lewis
"Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart. "
-Lois McMaster Bujold

I just skimmed through some old Livejournal (does anyone else remember when that was cool?) posts from when I was 15 and in a watered down version of this situation. One post in particular is something I'm clinging on.

"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."
-I Peter 2:24-25

"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. "
-Isaiah 53:4-6

It is finished. Not until tonight did I get that. It's already paid for. I can't try and pay Jesus back for what He did. It's silly to think that what I could do would be even a single drop in the ocean. It is finished. He took all of it. what hadn't even happened yet... and it was atoned for. right then, right there. And now... Now is when He turns me around and walks me in the right direction....

That was April 14th of 2006. I remember writing it. I remember being so relieved. And yet it feels like a hundred years ago. Oh to be sitting at that computer knowing what I know now about the last few years and really standing up and walking in the right direction - really listening to His words.

But that was the past, I can't change if. However in the words of a wise baboon from a Disney film, I can learn from it. I have learned from it. So I'm dodging that stick and going back home again. Getting back to where I knew I belonged the whole time.

Praying that you're coming with me.

Bright Spot in the Black

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:24:00 +0000

Star light, Star bright
Last one till the morning light
And I'm still wishing
Think I may, think I might
Stay up till the morning light
Cuz my mind's itching

Smoke is slower on the water
Than anything I've ever
Ever seen
Smoke is slower in the air
When there's water in the air
That's why I'll never leave

Star light, Star bright
Nothing's clear in the morning light
So I'm still wishing
Star light, so bright
Sure seems that nothing's right
So I'm "What If"ing

What if you're not really there
And years ago you stopped burning
What if they don't really care
About the life my heart is yearning for
What if I walk through the door
And just give up
What would I be passing up

Star light, Star bright
The first one I saw tonight
Said to keep hoping on
It thought I may, thought I might
Rise up with the morning light
And I'd keep going strong

What if I really can climb
And what if I can go the distance
What if these dreams can all be mine
And I can live the life I'm yearning for
What if I walk through the door
And don't give up
What would I be taking up

Smoke is slower on the water
Than anything I've ever
Ever seen
Smoke is slower in the air
When there's water in the air
That's why I'll never leave

Oh Star light, Star bright
Call up the morning light
And I'll be waiting
Think you may, think you might
Have stirred up a little fight
That won't be fading soon

Only You

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 00:51:00 +0000

I could use a decent apartment
With a rent that's not too high
I could use a job that don't kill me
Or make me wish to die
But I need your love
I only need your love

I could use a few more dollars
Of gas inside my car
And I could use a trip to the mountains
Where the skies are full of stars
But I need your love
I only need your love

Your love gets me through the day
Your love takes my hurt away
And it's true, there are things that I could use
But the only thing I ever need to make it through
Is for you to know I love Only You

I could use a few more hours
At the end of every day
And I could use a chance to take off
When they're telling me to stay
But I need your love
I only need your love

I could use an education
Yes I could learn a thing or two
I could use a bit less confrontation
And a good bit more time with you
But I need your love
I only need your love

Your love gets me through the day
Your love takes my hurt away
And it's true, there are things that I could use
But the only thing I ever need to make it through
Is for you to know I love Only You

Five Guys Theme

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 01:09:00 +0000

I sold my soul to a burger join
8 days a week I am countin' coins
And sweepin' the floors in time
Some day this resteraunt will be mine

Yes, I sold my soul to a burger place
See me topping sandwiches "All the Way"
So you can quickly and casually dine
See, someday this resteraunt will be mine

Oh, I sold my soul to a burger grill
50 hours this week and I'm flippin' still
I make a mean Little Bacon Cheese
One day this all will belong to me

Now I've sold my soul to burgers and fries
Dropping multiple baskets at the same time
Would you like Cajun seasoning
See, one day this all will belong to me

My heart and souls in this burger store
I can run every station with a line to the door
If I could I'd be workin for free
'Cause one day this all will belong to me

Yeah, We sold our soulds to a burger joint
And if you can't seem to see the point
We'll still be doin just fine
Yeah someday this resteraunt will be mine
Yes, one day this all will belong to me
Oh Some day, one day it's mine

The Grass Withers

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:34:00 +0000

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

Living Water, holy whispers in my heart
Rod & staff Comfort in the darkest dark
One & Only - First & Last
The True Vine - Apart from you I can't do anything

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

With me always, at my right hand, by my siade
Hope & peace - You're the One I can't deny
Light to my feet, to my path
Ever here - Apart from You I can't do anything

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

Noone can take
From my soul they'd have to break
No, Noone can take Your words away from me
Perfect and pure
Of this & only this I'm sure
No, Noone can take Your words away from me

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

This, Not So Little, Light of Mine

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 05:08:00 +0000

Confusion. Truth.
Lack of Consistency. Hypocrisy. Lack of Obedience.
Grace.
Loving someone.
Anguish. Mercy.
Hope. Trust.
An entirely different kind of love than the one mentioned previously.
Peace.

I'm finding it hard to express things in complete sentances. I guess this is what I'm like when I'm really and truely overwhelmed.

There's no cookie cutter answer. A friend said it very clearly -- find what is truth and do what is right in light of that truth.

I surrender. I'm not even going to try. I can't do this. I can't do anything, I've never done anything good in my whole life. There has been nothing of me that is good. Not. One. Thing.

Let's assume that someone who is good will not throw someone they love under a bus.

God is in control.God is good, God loves me & I know that is truth.I am not in control. I am not good, I am redeemed. God can do all things, and God does do all things well. Even when I am overwhelmed. That, is also truth. Truth that I have heard, seen, felt and even been a part of.

In light of this truth I will not fear. In light of this truth I will not pretend that I have any power or ability to "fix" this, or any, situation or person. In light of this truth I will trust that God, who is good, will not throw me under the bus.

And I will walk in this light.

Slowly Killing Me

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:25:00 +0000

Say you never said forever
Say you never said for now
Say you only said whenever
You call and say "I need you now"

If I'd known you would just switch the bait
I wouldn't take it
Should have known I was just tempting fate
And I'd be forsaken
Your relief is a poison

You're like cigarettes
I need to quit you
Blow the smoke out my lungs
Broken promises
Fogged up the rear view
Made me forget where I'm from
I know that you're not good for me
And I know that you're not gonna be
And like cigarettes
You're slowly killing me

Say I'm only yours when you want me
I'm just an inconvenience today
You knew I'd hang around if only
You made me think that one day you'd change

If I'd known you would just switch the bait
I wouldn't take it
Should have known I was just tempting fate
And I'd be forsaken
Your relief is a poison

You're like cigarettes
I need to quit you
Blow the smoke out my lungs
Broken promises
Fogged up the rear view
Made me forget where I'm from
I know that you're not good for me
And I know that you're not gonna be
And like cigarettes
You're slowly killing me

Another Hundred Lines

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:35:00 +0000

I've written at least a hundred lines about you
I'll write at least a million more before I'm through
Your heart is a song that's playing over in my head
Your gaze is a melody I knew before we met

You've got a way of inspiring me to be
More than I ever thought that I could be

And I'll write another hundred lines tonight
If you keep on looking at me
With eyes brighter than the stars above
Could we be in love

You're the light in the darkest night that makes me feel so brave
You're the lyric that captures me and holds me in the phrase
I'm a willing prisoner that will not leave your side
You're the treasure I'll always want that wealth can never buy

You've got a way of inspiring me to be
More than I ever thought that I could be

And I'll write another hundred lines tonight
If you keep on looking at me
With eyes brighter than the stars above
Could we be in love
And I'll write another hundred lines tonight
If you keep on looking at me
With hopes higher than the stars above
Could we be in love

I've written at least a hundred lines about you
I'll write at least a million more before I'm through

Home

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 04:12:00 +0000

I'll steal the wings of an angel
And fly to your side
I'll make believe that I'm leaving
Just to kiss you goodbye
But I'll be back before you miss me

If the storms finally make me
Really leave you
I'll buy a blue gingham dress
And borrow Dorothy's shoes
And click my heels a couple times

Wherever you are is where I wanna be
Wherever you are is home to me

You play that song like you wrote it
Just for my ears
If you play it again
I'll be yours through the years
And my heart will stay within your grasp

There's no way that I could be
More blessed than now
Unless maybe I had met you
Sooner than time allowed
And held you long before this day

Wherever you are is where I wanna be
Wherever you are is home to me

O Say, Does That Star Spangled Banner Still Wave O'er the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave?

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 02:57:00 +0000

Our fathers' God to Thee,
Author of Liberty,
To thee we sing,
Long may our land be bright
With Freedom's holy light,
Protect us by thy might
Great God, our King.

My Country Tis of Thee

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The Star Spangled Banner

Happy Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 03:31:00 +0000

Yes, I remember what today is. I tried to call you to say Happy 68th, but there was no answer. I'd have licked a stamp and sent a card, but I don't have an address.

Yup... guess that's all. Hope it was a good birthday...

Dear Mr. President

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:21:00 +0000

My name is Anna Godwin. I am 19 years old, a resident and registered voter of Maylene, AL. In November 2008 I was given, for the first time, the great privilege and responsibility of casting my vote in a presidential election. Although my vote was not for you and your running mate, I would like to congratulate you both on the victory and express my appreciation for your willingness to serve our country. Your families and advisers are continually in my prayers.

When I was in the 5th grade I bet my best friend that I would be a better President than he, and more importantly that I would achieve that goal first. For as long as I can remember I have loved the history of our great nation. I have made it one of my highest priorities to continue to educate myself on the principles it was built upon and to stay informed of the events currently shaping its future. I was taught, and used to believe, that Presidents, Vice Presidents, Senators and Congressmen are public servants. They are representatives of the people and protectors of the law. Watching the news these days, I have to ask... What changed?

I no longer feel any political party or representative in Washington represents my views or works to pursue the issues important to me. I feel anything but served. Quite frankly, Mr President, I feel betrayed and I'm afraid I'm not alone. Perhaps though I have simply not been making myself heard. Perhaps now is the time to do just that. The following is a list of my veiws and the issues for which I seek representation. You should know, sir, that I am most certainly not alone in these matters. I'm sure you have recieved versions of this letter in scores.

One, illegal immigration. I want you to stop coddling illegal immigrants and secure our borders. Close the underground tunnels. Stop the violence and the trafficking of drugs and people. No amnesty, not again. Been there, done that, no resolution. P.S., I'm not a racist. This isn't to be confused with legal immigration.

Two, the TARP bill, I want it repealed and I want no further funding supplied to it. We told you no, but you did it anyway. I want the remaining unfunded 95% repealed. Freeze, repeal.

Three, Czars. I want the circumvention of our checks and balances stopped immediately. Fire the czars. No more czars. I don't know how many different ways we need to say it. Government officials answer to the process, not to the president. Stop trampling on our Constitution and honor it.

Four, cap and trade. The debate on global warming is not over. There is more to say. Listen.

Five, universal healthcare. I will not be rushed into another expensive decision. Don't you dare try to pass this in the middle of the night and then go on break. Slow down!

Six, growing government control. I want states rights and sovereignty fully restored. I want less government in my life, not more. Shrink it down. Mind your own business. You have enough to take care of with your real obligations.

Seven, ACORN. I do not want ACORN and its affiliates in charge of our 2010 census. I want them investigated. I also do not want mandatory escrow fees contributed to them every time on every real estate deal that closes. Stop the funding to ACORN and its affiliates pending impartial audits and investigations. I do not trust them with taking the census over with our taxpayer money. I don't trust them with our taxpayer money. Face up to the allegations against them and get it resolved before taxpayers get any more involved with them. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, hello. Stop protecting your political buddies. You work for us, the people. Investigate.

Eight, redistribution of wealth. No, no, no. I work for my money. It is mine. I have always worked for people with more money than I have because they gave me jobs. That is the only redistribution of wealth that I will support. I never got a job from a poor person. Why do you want me to hate my employers? Why ‑‑ what do you have against shareholders making a profit?

Nine, charitable contributions. Although I never got a job from a poor person, I have helped many in need. Charity belongs in our local communities, where we know our needs best and can use our local talent and our local resources. Butt out, please. We want to do it ourselves.

Ten, corporate bailouts. No one is too big to fail. Sink or swim like the rest of us. If there are hard times ahead, we'll be better off just getting into it and letting the strong survive. Quick and painful. Have you ever ripped off a Band‑Aid? We will pull together. Great things happen in America under great hardship. Give us the chance to innovate. We cannot disappoint you more than you have disappointed us.

Eleven, transparency and accountability. How about it? No, really, how about it? Let's have it. Let's say we give the buzzwords a rest and have some straight honest talk. Please try ‑‑ please stop manipulating and trying to appease me with clever wording. I am not the idiot you obviously take me for. Stop sneaking around and meeting in back rooms making deals with your friends. It will only be a prelude to your criminal investigation. Stop hiding things from me.

Twelve, unprecedented quick spending. Stop it now.

Take a breath and listen to the people you are supposed to be representing. We entrusted you with protecting our constitution and doing what was best for our country. The whole country, not just big corporations and politicians. The rest of us are tired of being ignored. We will make our voices heard- be it in letters such as this, phone calls to the office you occupy, or rallies at your front door.

Years ago another group of Americans that you'll remember were faced with a similiar situation. They called it taxation without representation. They wrote a letter, that we now know as the Declaration of Independance, and they made their voices heard. The Americans of today are not so different. We have not forgotten. I believe that you and others in Washington may have.

Consider this a gentle reminder.

Knowing How Way Leads to Way

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:56:00 +0000

I'm looking forward to a lot of things right now. I can hardley wait for my new niece to arrive (the second one). This new job (@ the new Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Hoover) looks like it will be tons of fun. I just had a phone call from the Alabama Policy Institute and it looks like I'll be working on some public education videos for them soon. It's exciting.

I've been writing like crazy. I've written about 20 new songs(and another currently in the works) since the summer started and I'm chomping at the bit to get in the studio. I really like the way this newer stuff is sounding.

I'm starting to brush up on my test taking skills and going back through the ACT study booklets because if I'm going to go to Samford next year (crosses fingers) I'll need to take that again. I'm working on audition pieces for potential scholarships.

Life is changing rapidly, which in previous days would have scared me into a paralyzed state. While I'm a bit shaken, at this point, I'm more excited about seeing how things fold out. As I said in my previous post, I never would have expected I would be here at this time in my life. I have no clue what's next in my path, but I can't look back and wonder what would have been different. If I had gone to college right away or if I didn't date him or if I hadn't done this or if I had done that -- what does it matter? I can't go back, I can only go forward.

The path is still covered with grass and the next turn is overgrown with weeds, but who knows what sort of adventures it leads to? Who knows what is just beyond where I can see?

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:09:00 +0000

When I was in the 8th grade my GRC (Gifted Resource Center) teacher Mrs. Stringer had us make a binder all about the work we had done that year and the hopes we had for our future. I had a hard time putting mine together. I was terrified of the future, terrified of change. I guess I still am a little bit.

I was reading one of the reflections and couldn't help but be a little upset. It was supposed to be a paragraph or two about where I wanted to be after high school, but (you know me) I turned it into an essay. I had so many dreams back then. I was so motivated to succeed and so competitive. I can't help but sit here and wonder where that went.

It's not like I don't want success. I guess I just formed a different idea of what success is over the years.

Better to Have Loved You

noreply@blogger.com (Anna Belle) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:57:00 +0000

They say that if you love a bird
You let it go
If that wild thing returns
Then it was always yours
I don't claim to be an expert
On letting go
But I know that a captive bird
Will always long for more

Even if you're not mine in the end
I'd go back and do it all again

It's better to have loved you
Than never to have known you
Cuz even if I've lost you
I had you for awhile
I could have lived without you
And known nothing about you
But it's better to have loved you
Than to never see you smile

There's a part of me that says I should
Just let you go
Forget all the memories
That leave me longing for
An excuse or just one reason
Not to let you go
Or a solid possibility
Of what I'm hoping for

Even if you're not mine in the end
I'd go back and do it all again

It's better to have loved you
Than never to have known you
Cuz even if I've lost you
I had you for awhile
I could have lived without you
And known nothing about you
But it's better to have loved you
Than to never see you smile

I guess that now I know the cost
Of living with a love that's lost
If I can't hold you in my arms
I'll just have to hold you in my heart

It's better to have loved you
Than never to have known you
Cuz even if I've lost you
I had you for awhile
I could have lived without you
And known nothing about you
But it's better to have loved you
Than to never see you smile
Oh I loved to see your smile

Yes it's better to have loved you
Than to never see you smile