Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images, no

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Sugar Flowers and Smelly Leather Skates

It's the the part of springtime where my favorite, little, white, sugar smelling flowers start popping up all over the place. It's a good thing too because if they weren't around I'd probably be pretty depressed about now if I didn't have like a thousand of them right outside my door to pick whenever I started feeling icky and sad.

God has a funny way of bringing little things like flowers and nostalgic candy into my life just when I need them. Like last night, I needed to go to Skates 280 and fall on my butt a few times. I needed the ring pops and the glass bottle of Cheerwine. I needed the smelly leather roller skates that are probably older than me. I'm not sure I needed the gold spray paint in my hair or the tights -- but that part was good for the soul too.

Cick the X

There is a new feature (maybe not so new, but newly appreciated) on my News Feed. Next to each item there is a thumbs up sign and large "X". The purpose of these buttons is to let the puppetmasters of Facebook know what type of stalking you would like to do and what peices of information you do and do not like.

And when I saw the tiny broken heart at the top of my feed I compared it to the one I've been bandaging this evening. A quick glance to the left and the two choices caught my eye. Without a thought I promptly clicked the "X". I absolutely do not like this information. I ABSOLUTELY do NOT want to see it at the top of my News Feed.

But it wouldn't go away. It just faded like I had forgotten to take it out of my pants and run it through the wash. I wanted to wad it up, rip it up and burn it in some Rubbish fire - it would belong there. Not your heart, of course - but the brokenness.

Things aren't spoke to work this way, you know. People are supposed to find each other, fall in love, and then live _____ (fill in your own blank) ever after. There aren't supposed to be tiny broken hearts in my news feed. We aren't supposed to make these mistakes. But that's what happens when you run holding precious things in your hands. When you trip they fall to the ground and shatter. Good luck piecing together the itsy, bitsy, shining, crying parts.

I tried tonight to piece together my own shining bits of a glass heart. I felt like I was doing one of those puzzles with a thousand pieces. A picture of the sky where all the pieces look the same and none of them seem to fit together. And then when you finally start to get them in the right places you realize a large chunk of them has dissapeared. You must have taken them with you.

Oscar Wilde said that the heart was made to be broken.


Oscar Wilde is a fucking liar.

Pocket Full of Sunshine?

Take me away: A secret place.
To better days take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

Somedays that last sentance is harder to believe than others.

I need to get away. Quickly. Far FAR away for as long as possible. I need an escape and I desperately need to find a place where I feel safe.

What I need is a good long book. That's the cheapest and sometimes most effective form of escape that I know. And I need effective. And cheap seeing as how I am now unemployed and running low on gas. Does anyone else remember 99 cent gas? I used to get those little sesame candies...

I wanna go back to Vincent and get sesame candies and a glass bottle coke. I wanna walk the railroad tracks and sit in the feild next to my old house until i smell like grass. I want to "fall" into the lake. I wanna swing in an old tire and get my jeans all dirty.

I wanna be like 5 years old again. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this

Cloudy

Animals know when we're upset. I think they must be nature's antidepressant. Or painkiller. Maybe both.

Last night Lewis came and slept at the foot of my bed for like the first time ever. Lewis. I mean, Digory - sure. But not Lewis.
I think he knew that if I was left to my own devices I wouldn't have slept. If left alone I would have stayed up all night and obsessed and tried to figure it all out on my own. It's a good thing he came because I never would have figured it out. I still don't know what's happening here and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

Forget my drama too. That doesn't even matter anymore. I mean... it matters (that's kind of the point of at least one very large portion -- that it matters), but it pales in comparission now. Mr. Richburg died a few hours ago.

He was a fighter. Strong when he should've been weak. But he wasn't. He was strong. He was always so strong. And now he's gone. It makes me wonder if any of us have a chance.

I just don't know- maybe none of this makes sense at all - but does it really have to. Nothing really does for very long. Eventually we all just get lost in between the lines anyways.