Wednesday, June 25

Hopes & Birds

Birds can fly so high
and they can shit on your head
yeah they can almost fly into your eye
and make you feel so scared
but when you look at them
and you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
-Kate Nash/ Birds

You keep doing this to me. You give me this hope, this tiny, shining glimmer of possibility, and then you just kind of shove it under the carpet. It's like you don't want me to think I'm not good enough for you to want me like that, but at the same time-- you don't want me to think that I have any real chances with you.

It hurts because I know I don't really. You're my friend. You'll always be my friend. You think I'm a nice person. You say all sorts of things to me like I should be one of those people with self confidence or something silly like that. I know that you love me. It's just not the way that I love you.

It's a different kind of forever. It's the kind that makes me feel protected and grounded but at the same time makes my stomach twist. Like-- great I get to feel like this forever.

I hate when you talk to me about other girls. I hate it because you're saying all the right things. You're the only guy I ever believe when it comes to that. Those little things that you say that are just like-- geez if only somebody felt the same way about me. If only somebody wanted those things with me.
I love it though-- because it gives me hope that maybe there are two of you. Or maybe one of these days you'll be saying that stuff and it is about me.

I hope that one day I can look at you and not have that little twist in my stomach and that little gripping in my heart.

But even more than that I hope that before that day comes you'll feel one in you.