Friday, August 29

Enough Already

I hate this feeling. Like I'm in a cage or being sucked into quicksand -- or some twisted combination of the two.

I hate the idea of going to school. Seriously-- the thought of spending the next 2-4 years going to classes, doing homework, studying my butt off, and potentially living in a dorm (or worse, still living at home) while still attempting to keep working because I'll be paying for tuition, room & board etc... ugh it just makes me sick.

I can't do it anyway. I don't have anywhere near the money it would cost. I don't even have my own car (and I've just been informed that the car I've been driving is never going to be mine-- so I'm basically back at square one). I'm not even thinking about how completely unprepared I am for school. I can hardley remember where I put my keys everyday with the stupid thyroid problems I'm STILL having -- how am I going to handle the mass ammounts of information I'd have to retain for even just 1 class?

So that's out...

I'm trapped here. I'm trapped in this crap hole of frustration with no car, no money, no privacy, no freedom, and no purpose. I hate it here. They're always picking at me telling me what I'm doing wrong with my life. No, I'm not going to school -- since when does that make me a worthless piece of crap that you can yell at and take all your frustrations out on?

It's bad enough that I can't stand that I couldn't handle going on my own. I already think I'm pretty worthless because of the stupid decisions I've made and the things I can't do anymore. Do you really have to agree with me so loudly? If I hear one more sentance with the words "wasted potential" I might snap. The potential isn't there anymore, ok!?! It's gone, it's not coming back so just shut up already!

I just want to feel like I'm ok again. I'm tired of not being good enough...