Oh this day! This day, this day, this day.... This week... It's only Wednesday, and just barely that. I just don't know how so many things can just.. happen like this. I don't want a rewind, fast forward, or skip button. I want a pause button. I just want to make everything chill for like.. 12 hours so that I can sleep. Sleep and clean my car. It's really just stressing me out right now. I don't understand how I'm functioning. I'm sure people do this everyday and maybe I'm being super pathetic about it, but really I just don't understand how my legs have not turned to jello and caused me to crash in a wobbly pile on the floor.
I wanna watch Glenn Beck. That's completely unrelated to the rest of this blog. I just really want to watch the 7 episodes of The Glenn Beck Program I haven't seen yet.(Yeah.. I know.. it's ridiculous)
I was driving home around 10:30 and decided I should go to the grocery store to get some snack food/ drinks for work this week. I was so tired that I walked around Brunos for a good 20 minutes with absolutely no clue what I was looking for or even really why I was there. I was in such a trance.
Then I drove the next 10 minutes home and the disc in my car changed to a mix I've entitled "Chill Music". Mostly Fernando Ortega and Ginny Owens (Ten Shekel Shirt, Michael Card, Switchfoot... great stuff). It's the same mix I made for Charlie Richburg last year...
The song that came on "O God, You Are My God" from Fernando Ortega's Shadow of Your Wings" cut straight to my heart.
I realized (and have been realizing) that I'm not really tired. I've been tired before and this is not "tired". This is "hungry" and "thirsty" and desperate yearning for that which sustains my soul. I've been getting by (dwindling away to nothingness) on energy drinks and frozen meals (both in reality and in this metaphor) and I need some water. I need some meat. I need some vegeatables. My body and my soul just can't take it any more. There is no water. There is no meat, or vegetables. None of them within my reach. They're so far away and I feel like i'm crawling towards them with an angry gorilla chained to my ankle runnning in the opposite direction.
And I haven't researched it yet, but I'm pretty sure this is from a Psalm. Olan has been teaching about David in Sunday School recently -- I'm really enjoying learning more and participating in the discussion about him. Anyways -- I remember him saying that you don't hear David rashly acting or speaking out towards those who do wrong to him, but in the Psalms you find prayers where he just pours his heart and soul out on the table, arguing his case before God. He clings to God with every little bit in him while the ravenous lion (badger. stinking badgers) is roaring, and ripping at his door. And then he's at peace and watches God work. He does as he's led and just trusts that the rest will come.
I wanna be like that. I'm going to be like that. I just am. I need to sleep, but this is more important right now. I'm just so thirsty.
Oh, God, you are my God. Earnestly, I seek you.
My soul thirsts for you. My flesh yearns for you.
In a dry and weary land, where there is no water.
I remember you at night, through the watches of the midnight,
in the shadow of your wings, I sing because you help me.
My soul clings to you, and your hand upholds me.
You alone. You alone. You alone. You alone.
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