The Women

The women are whispering
The women are speaking 
The women are crying out

The women are begging

The women are screaming

Penelope had a lovely idea and I wish there were more men who listened

The women should burn things

All of this waiting

All of these whispered words

All of this “he promised”

Must we always sit and weave the burial garments for the love that can not be placed under a shroud

It will burn in our chest whether we dig the hole or not

It will burn in our children even if we set the boats ablaze with us and the dead on board

When we are long dead and our grandchildren’s grandchildren breathe in the hot breeze that once blew through our hair it will wake, yet again

I weave the shroud and embroider the shadow of this love drenched rage and I hope the day comes soon where my sons lock the doors and burn those leaning heavy on the laws of gods that mirror the worst in every father

You could have come home any time, if only you’d learn the lesson the women were force fed from birth

Put down your sword and feed the beggar

Teach your sons to write songs

Let your daughters choose which ones deserve singing

But sure, go be a hero shaped fool

Maybe in exile I can teach you to protect love with more of it

Bianca

 Taming the shrew wasn’t good enough for you

Had to sneak up to stab up my back
But good guys finish last so I guess that you had to
Play the long game to make up the slack

Did it slow but not easy
Kept me a breath shy of breezy
Gave me shoes but keep me with child
Got bored with your start up
And started to mark up
The wrong parts of my kind of wild

Bianca
Where are you
Are you blonde, are you young, are you still
Bianca
Tear in two
Do whatever I say when I will

You wanted a fight
But not one that bites
Wanted the flame that don’t burn
Kept me on the hook
With your all knowing look
Like there were mysteries I had to learn

Did it slow but not steady
Kept me just one step from ready
Made me question all that I knew
while I named my believing
In every new season
That never gave reason to you

Bianca
Where are you
Are you blonde are you young are you still
Bianca
Tear in two
Do whatever I say when I will

You liked me proud
But not when I was loud
Wanted a storm that stayed in her place
Told me to stay small
So you’d love me at all
I could’ve vanished with barely a trace

Kept me near but not equal
Made your game of the sequel
And goddamn you had something to prove
Gave me room but no freedom
Said I was the reason
You had anything left to lose

Do it slow but not easy
Kept me a breath from believing
Made me forget

All my best bets
Gave me a reason
To stay through the season
But never a reason were you

Bianca
Where are you
Are you blonde are you young are you still
Bianca
Tear in two
Do whatever I say when I will

If I Am Going To Be Water

And what if I am dancing with everyone
What if all I have wanted this whole time on earth is to move with abandon, twirl around and feel the weight lift

What if the dancing makes the puddling on the floor farther away for a moment

Alone, sure

Fine.

But with a someone…

To be fools together

To feel a weight lift from two souls

Yeah you can step on my feet

Don’t worry I’ll catch you 

No, it’s fine, we don’t have to know what we’re doing

I think I would always rather people think whatever they will

So I’m gonna dance

If not with my someone, then with everyone

Because I have puddled on the floor

And if I’m going to be water

I’d rather be humidity in air and sweat on skin 

Hard fought with a good time

I’m not sure I can wait on you to catch up if you want to pool around my ankles asking me not to dance

The Web

Charlotte’s weaving another web,

up in the corner by my bed

Such skill with words no one should hear

Why did you have to bring them here

I don't recall the summer sun,
the games you said we played
I only know the twisted ones
that somehow never went away

I know the floorboards knew my name,
I know the walls were listening
I know a child can learn real young
she’s only lovely when she sings

Charlotte’s weaving another web,
silver thread from beam to beam
She catches pieces of the past
and calls them what they must have been

There's something buried by the creek,
something underneath the stone
You can cover up a thing with dirt,
but roots will find their way back home.

Charlotte, Charlotte, spin it slow,
don't pull the thread where I won't go
You ask me for a name I know,
but some things die before they grow

I've given you all the words I know,
I've given you my oldest tongue
I've told you every little thing
I thought a little girl had done

But I am tired of telling it
I'm tired of making ghosts behave
I'm tired of digging through the dark
for something never meant to save

Charlotte’s weaving another web,
but I won't give her words again
I'll leave the little girl alone
sleeping soundly in my skin

For there are things the body knows
that mouths were never meant to say
And there are many ancient roads
that don't need walking twice a day

So Charlotte, spin your web alone
I'll take my bones and head back home
You can keep what you have sewn
I won’t belong to what I've known

Not Better Off

Think I’m scared to dream
Think I’m scared to get my hopes up again
Wanna have a scheme
Want it written out in paper and pen

Like it worked so well before

Like that wasn’t just a rug beneath my feet

Did it matter that he swore

Always and forever he’d be wanting me

There she is 

Sitting in an open field

Isn’t this

How she always feels

Little redhead wishing on a star

Wondering why things are the way they are

Curious why people talk

But never mean the words

Furious with ticking clocks

But never with the birds

Picture this, I’m in the flock

I finally got my wings

And maybe it’s an aftershock

Of harsh realities

But building blocks weren’t working

And the future just kept smirking

Like the cloud that’s always hung above my head

I promise that I’m trying

This ain’t me denying

I’m just out here flying

Proving I’m not better off dead

Think I’m scared to say

Don’t know what it is I’m doing

Like maybe that betrays

Some hapless destiny that’s brewing

Like I’ve never needed help

Like that wasn’t a farce that kept me small

Ain’t that how I’m avoiding hell

Let some man do the thinking, be my all

There I am

Kicking up a Sunday dress

What a scam

Such an unbegotten mess

Just some redhead yelling at the stars

Wondering why things are the way they are

Curious why people talk

But never mean the words

Furious with ticking clocks

But never with the birds

Picture this, I’m in the flock

I finally got my wings

And maybe it’s an aftershock

Of harsh realities

But building blocks weren’t working

And the future just kept smirking

Like the cloud that’s always hung above my head

I promise that I’m trying

This ain’t me denying

I’m just out here flying

Proving I’m not better off dead

My Damn Kids

Every light is on
Socks around the floor
And I can see it all

Cause you never close your doors

Time to go to bed

Next to her guitar

Flower crowns and a brush

Thought she left in the car

Hang it in the Louvre

Put it on the fridge

Every artifact 

Everything that they did

Wallpaper the walls

Inside of my eyelids

Play it on repeat

Tattoo it on my ribs

Those are my damn kids

You hear ‘em singing songs

You pass ‘em on the street

Watch ‘em make a friend

Out of everyone they meet

Watch him make a game

Out of something you would grieve

Still holding on to hope

Still playing make-believe

Hang it in the Louvre

Put it on the fridge

Every artifact 

Everything that they did

Wallpaper the walls

Inside of my eyelids

Play it on repeat

Tattoo it on my ribs

Those are my damn kids

Sit em in a pew

Tell em what to do

Tell em what to say 

And when to speak

They look a bit like you

But I taught em to shine through

No matter what you say

Or what you think

Hang it in the Louvre

Put it on the fridge

Every artifact 

Everything that they did

Wallpaper the walls

Inside of my eyelids

Play it on repeat

Tattoo it on my ribs

Those are my damn kids

The Hill I'd Like To Die On

The hill I’d like to die on is covered in clover and tiny white flowers that leave bright yellow kisses on every bee and butterfly that visits.
The tallest, widest live oak stretches out to frame sunsets and shelters the oldest puppies in the world.

There is a lightning-fast, slow-motion tire swing on the thickest branch that spins around the laughter of little boys and girls that never got buried in old souls.

Somewhere in the arms of the oak, there is a brown-haired girl who simply does not have to do a single thing that isn’t sincere, joyful, or explicitly desired.
She holds loosely onto whichever stringed instrument felt right for the moment’s mood and sings the silliest and most profound melodies into the wherever, for whoever, and no one at all.

Her brothers are LARPing underneath, following whatever rules they made up as they went.
The eldest of them weaves the mythologies of the old worlds in the new one he’s building.
The blonde is impish enough to cause a bit of trouble and wise enough to repair it with the gold leaf of true repentance and growth.
The youngest keeps unintentionally sitting us all down in wonder at the music he makes out of thin air and whatever might become notes.

There is probably a blanket that we forgot to bring with us sitting on the table that has been the stage for countless highs and lows.
Instead, I am sitting next to you on the grass, fingers drifting from the cool earth to the back of your neck or the scars on your arms.
They dance to whatever riff you and your guitar are providing to the two bookend children and all the melodies they imagine.

That is my hill.
That is the thing I am reaching for every single day.

There are mountains between us and that hill.
Mountains and valleys and flat, ever-stretching battlefields.

Our party may gather strays that become family along the way, and I cannot wait to meet them.
We may lose a few limbs, gain a few pounds of baggage. This is to be expected on the journey to a hill one is to die on.

There are many more I would die on if need be.
But that is the one I am walking towards.