Saturday, September 6


I felt so lonely. I sat in that hammock watching all the students and teachers go from here to there. They all had purposes. Destinations. And even the ones who didn't realy have class or anything they had to do... they just all looked like they knew what was going on and where they were headed.

I don't know where I'm going. I go to work. I go home. I go to work. I go to BCC. I go home. I go to work.
Or at least that'd be how it was if I hadn't started hanging out at Samford all the time. I'd be stuck(and sort of am) in this incredibley mundane, mediocre existance. Stuck in Alabaster. With no friends. Just co-workers who I never see after I leave the resteraunt.

I felt like those earthworms at camp that got chopped in half and seperated from it's other part and still wriggled around for a few minutes before it finally gave up and died.

Just in case you haven't picked up on this from general observance -- being alone is my greatest fear. And I can tell myself all day long that I'm never alone because He is with me, but it doesn't stop the miniature panic attacks that happen everytime I get back in the car to go home.

I started listening to my voicemails over and over again.

To replay this message, press 1, to forward this message, press 2, to send a reply, press 3, to hear the date and time this message was recieved press 5, to delete, press 7, to return the message sender's call, press 8, to save, press 9, to go back to the main menu, press *, for help, press 0.