Dot Dot Dot (And All That Comes Before The...)

"So tell me, when did you initially begin having an interest in..."

To tell you the truth, I couldn't rightly tell you.

For as long as I can remember my head and my heart have been very similiar to those plasma balls at the McWane Center. I've got hundreds of plasma filaments reaching out from the center to the rest of the world. They're all just floating in constant chaos waiting for a hand to come close to the glass so that I can focus the current. They kept telling me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I believed them, I just realized how crazy that was. The problem isn't the "do"ing. The problem is setting my mind to it.

I could go to culinary school and absolutely love it. I could learn all the chemistry and all the different cogs and gears that make it work, and however challenging that may be -- have an absolute ball. I know I'd love the creative side -- I'm already doodling little musings and ideas for cakes and treats.

I could go to Samford and be a Music Education major. It would be hard... really, really hard. But it would be worth it. It's no secret that I'm passionate about music. I love listening to it, learning it, creating it and playing with all the possibilities. I can't tell you how influential the different music teachers in my life have been. I look up to them like some people look up to comic book super heroes and Olympic athletes. The challenge of being that kind of person, that kind of soul, would keep me on my toes.

I could do any number of things that are spinning around in this head of mine, and I'd find a way to flow all that passion into what I'm doing right then. I just keep second guessing myself on whether or not THAT choice is the choice I really want to stick with. Everyone tells you that you don't have to choose right now -- "You're young, you've got plenty of time to decide, you've got your whole life ahead of you." Yeah, I've got my whole life ahead of me, but who knows just how long that is? What if I don't want to wait a few years and then decide. What if I want to go ahead and start doing this thing so that I can suck the marrow out of every second? What if, what if, what if.. Mee-Maw always said not to "what if".

Maybe I should just go. Maybe I should just jump in, full steam ahead. Maybe... I am so completely done with 'maybe(dot dot dot)'. Can I just have a final, firm "Yes(period)" End of story? "..." is really just a question mark after all. A question mark or an "I'm not sure, but periods make me feel more secure than nothing at all"

She's a wild one alright. A wild, confused ball of electric current with no particular direction.

So I'm waiting for the hand to the glass now. The audience has filed into the observatory and the mad scientist is asking for volunteers...