Don't Ask If You Don't Want The Truth

I feel fine...
aside from the burning hole inside my heart
aside from the emptiness that surrounds me
aside from the sting of tears I can't cry

I'm doing great...
other than the fact that I still feel like a total failure
other than the fact that I haven't slept more than 20 minutes at a time for about 6 days

Yes, everything is just fine. It's only a few times a day that the lump in my throat gets so big I feel like I'm choking on a basketball. The rest of the time it's manageable and I can carry on just enough small talk to make me want to take a vow of silence.

It doesn't matter how eloquently I can express what's going on in my heart in song or blog or letter form. It really doesn't change the seemingly hopeless situation and it doesn't seem to change that I can't let go of that grenade they call hope.

I'm tired and I'm hurting. Most of all I'm tired of hurting.
That's what's going on.