Wishful Thinking

I spend a lot of time persuading myself I’m enough

Just when I barely believe it, seems now I’m too much

Find myself holding on to the parts I wouldn’t miss

Wondering what I did wrong that I turned out like this

Hungry to get out of this whatever I’m in

Homesick for somewhere that I’ve never been

The mirrors all lie and my clothes keep on shrinking 

But I’m not convinced that it’s not wishful thinking

You tell me this body of mine earned every stripe

And maybe some women lean into that hype

I don’t feel like a goddess on the bathroom floor

Cradling this tired and desperate form 

Hungry to get out of this whatever I’m in

Homesick for somewhere that I’ve never been

The mirrors all lie and my clothes keep on shrinking 

But I’m not convinced that it’s not wishful thinking

There’s no magic words and there’s no perfect angle 

No golden hour lighting will ever untangle

The way that I see myself

Somewhere at the start, somewhere near the beginning 

The notion that I might deserve happy endings

Was quietly, brutally quelled

I’m still hungry to get out of this whatever I’m in

Homesick for somewhere that I’ve never been

The mirrors all lie and my clothes keep on shrinking 

But I’m not convinced that it’s not wishful thinking

The Grass Withers

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

Living Water, holy whispers in my heart
Rod & staff Comfort in the darkest dark
One & Only - First & Last
The True Vine - Apart from you I can't do anything

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

With me always, at my right hand, by my siade
Hope & peace - You're the One I can't deny
Light to my feet, to my path
Ever here - Apart from You I can't do anything

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

Noone can take
From my soul they'd have to break
No, Noone can take Your words away from me
Perfect and pure
Of this & only this I'm sure
No, Noone can take Your words away from me

I can't breathe without the words You breathe
I can't live without the that live
I can't stand without the words that stand forever
I can't love without the words You loved, You love
You breathe the words that live and stand forever

Anything To Do With It At All

I don't want to go too far
I don't want to hurt you again
So I can't really trust my heart
With "this time could be different"

Maybe last time I was just afraid
Of what might happen, what I'd want to say
Maybe then I wasn't old enough
Or wise enough, or strong enough
Maybe trusted in myself too much
Thought I had anything to do with it at all

Who am I to even think
That you might walk in my direction
I can't really trust my heart
When searching for perfection

Maybe last time I was just afraid
Of what might happen, what I'd want to say
Maybe then I wasn't old enough
Or wise enough, or strong enough
Maybe trusted in myself too much
Thought I had anything to do with it at all

A Million Pieces

Teach me your way, O LORD,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
-Psalm 86:11

There's a devil on my shoulder
Says I'll be better when I'm older
"Go on, be a little bolder
Than that angel in your ear
Just ignore this time you're wasting
It's a better life you're tasting"
Consequences I'll be facing
Seem to fade and dissapear

Bits and shards of broken words
Fly between my mind and soul
What I know and what I've heard
Are simply parts of the whole

I'm a sinner, but a saint
I am walking, but I'm lame
I'm in a million peices
I've heard the angels singing glory, honor, fame
I've felt the demons tearing, shaking, burning at my frame
Lord, I'm in a million peices
Unite my heart to fear Thy name

Trust Me, You Love Me, Now Eat Your Toast

I wouldn't mind the memory loss. I wouldn't mind the forgetfulness. I wouldn't mind not knowing who you are.

I wouldn't mind being so cold and tired. I wouldn't mind the heaviness in my heart.I wouldn't mind my efforts being in vain.

I wouldn't mind the gap between two days ago and right now. I wouldn't mind not knowing where I was going. I wouldn't mind not knowing where I'd been.

I wouldn't mind writing the same lines again and again. I wouldn't mind taking longer to do the simple tasks. I wouldn't mind holding a pen to a blank page in confusion.

If only there was someone to tell stories about last years trip, remind me it's time to take my medicine, and write notes with breakfast.

If only there was someone to wrap me up, remind me it won't always be like this, and
carry me the rest of the way.

If only there was someone to reminisce instantly,open the front door and tell me I left my car keys in the living room.

If only there was someone to tell me they like that line as much as they did the first time, that they don't mind the extra time with me, and that I was right -- that idea would make for a good song.

Call to Greatness

Little bursts of burning amber
Crying out from miles away
“Don’t you know there’s so much more
Than this meaningless day to day

If you could only see the sights
The beauties I have seen
You might begin to change your life
To strive towards all your dreams

There’s more than just paying bills
And fulfilling simple roles
Great things will come those who’ll run
And chase the more elusive goals

Like now, you see I’m fading fast
I’m sinking farther west
This town won’t see me till the morn’
But will you be content to rest?

Or will you choose adventure
And mount your trusty steed
Gallop towards the setting sun
Follow where it leads?

It may not be the calmest route
But if you don’t shut your eyes
You’ll leave behind the ordinary
You’ll win, and hold the prize

Something's Gonna Change

I am a doormat. I have always been a doormat. I could always be a doormat.
But I refuse to be your doormat anymore.

You, Mr. Hokey Pokey, with your in and your out... you can just step in the mud and track it all through the rest of your life. I won't clean the shit off your shoes anymore.

And You, Mr. Victim, with your wounds... I won't be your nurse. You can stich up the holes that you made all by yourself. I could care less whether the needle is sanitary and I hope you finally get the infection you deserve.

Oh yes, and you, Mr. Magician , with your dissapearing act... I won't be your assistant. I'm lifting that screen and telling your secrets. And you won't trick me with your slight of hand because I know the rabbitt was in the hat all along.

And I'm done making excuses for all of you. You weren't lonely, you weren't hurting, and you weren't really a nice guy somewhere inside. You were bored, you were needy, and you were a liar. You're heartbreakers, all of you. Vulchers and thieves.
Like merchants with poisoned apples you made your sale. I think I played the part of the damsel in distress quite well thinking you might turn out to be some sort of prince or at least a peasant with an honest job and soul.

Well I've had them apples and my little friends have woken me from my sleep. So just find some other girl who's Dad isn't there to smite your selfish, cold excuse of a heart.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know
it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay
where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

It makes a
sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will
never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.