Friday, January 16

Strengths and Weaknesses

I got an e-mail today from a Facebook application called "Compare People" titled "A List of Your Strengths and Weaknesses as Voted by Your Friends". First of all, the idea of my friends voting on what I'm good at and what I not good at kind of freaks me out. But secondly, it kind of intrigues me -- so I checked it out.

Apparently everyone seems to think I'm smart, would make a good mother, am very generous, not the best shopping companion, not the best flirter, and really really bad at planning. Interesting for sure... I mean, I guess it's cool that they think the good things and totally true that I suck at shopping, planning and I'm not the smoothest when it comes to flirting etc.. It's just weird.

A good friend sent me a message about dealing with losing someone. He advised that I make a list of the things that I would look for in a man. I started going through the bible (also as he suggested) and writing down the different characteristics that I want him, the "perfect man" as he put it, to have. It's not the list I used to have, for sure. The do's and don'ts are all very different from what I used to want. I guess that's a sign that I'm growing up a little bit - changing in good ways. Maybe I'll type it up here later...

I messed up. It started out just being confused. Then confusion turned to feeling like I had gotten in too deep and that turned into trying to make it better on the other person involved which turned into me totally and completely ruining what used to be a friendship. It doesn't even matter how I got us to the place we're in though. It's all just trying to rationalize it, trying to make myself feel better about it. But it doesn't matter. I messed up and I've gotta take whatever comes from that.

I tried to step towards making things right yesterday and I'm still waiting for a response. I decided to wait and not push it anymore. If he wants to talk to me, I'll be there -- if he doesn't, I'll still be there.

Strength -- sticking around. Weakness -- knowing when it's time to leave.
Strength -- being there. Weakness -- backing off when I shouldn't be there.