Premarital Counseling and Other Prepatation for Mediocrity

I'm really sure they mean well. In fact I know that in their hearts they wanted and still want us to live a full, happy life together that pleases God.

They really just don't get it.

I'm sure that part of my frustration with the curriculum and the manner in which it was presented is due to my youthful inexperience and optimistic naivety. I want whoever may read this to understand I have no claims to be any authority on how a marriage should or will work or that I think I know exactly what my life as a married woman will be like. I understand that everyone who is young and in love probably thinks they wrote the book on it and that they're the first ones who ever really got it right. I totally get that almost no one goes into a marriage without hoping that it'll be perfect and they'll always be happy and their spouse will smell like roses and there will be birds chirping.. you know all, that Disney butterfly and rainbow bologna.

But they still just don't get it.

It's not that I think we shouldn't have done it or that it was even a waste of time. I feel like we grew closer together and that we learned a lot about each other and our differences. We even found a few more things we have in common. (Though I feel much of this happened because of our opposition to the rest of the curriculum). I'll even show you something I learned to prove that I really did try to understand the benefits they were sure would sprout from these fun little worksheets and pie charts. It will be difficult because there aren't two of me, but use your imagination.

This is called Assertiveness and Active Listening. You're supposed to talk like this so that everyone is heard and understood when you disagree. It's very, very practical and I'm sure we'll remember to utilize this valuable tool in our Marriage Arsenal. Here goes!

I feel like this is an exorbitant waste of time and energy, because - while we could actually be having a conversation here and getting to the root of an issue - we're just swallowing a sentence and regurgitating it in a similar yet slightly different phrase.

(imagination time - I'm a different speaker now)
So what I'm hearing you say, is that you feel like acting as trained parrots and repeating the previous statement isn't helping us communicate, but rather hindering our further understanding each other and our true feelings.

(ok, I'm me again)
Yes, that is what I said. Would you now like to express yourself in an assertive, but not militant or violent, statement that I may then toss back to you?

(switch)
Yes -- Thank you for your consideration, I do wish to exchange in tossing crap back and forth -- like the monkeys at the zoo.

See what I mean? It's just so silly, scripted and completely unnecessary. I understand the value in expressing your opinion and stating your feelings as opposed to hiding them to keep the peace, and I understand the need to make sure what you think you heard is what your partner thinks they said, but this parroting is just... too much.

Don't even get me started on the ten step plan for fights(I'm sure they had a better title). I felt like I was being trained for a life long battle, not a God honoring union. The entire curriculum was a damage control plan for when your marriage becomes mediocre and painfully unhealthy, whereas I feel it may have been a better use of our time to see how we can go about setting us up for success... not preparing for sure failure.


All that said - I'm glad we survived and came out the other end closer and better prepared (if not by design, at least by God's providence) through the whole experience.

And that's all I need to say about that.